


Willing

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, Episode Related, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-14
Updated: 1999-05-14
Packaged: 2018-11-11 00:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11137713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Ray receives a letter concerning someone from his past and it changes his future.





	Willing

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Willing

## Willing

by Que

* * *

Slight m/m content, no explicit sex at all. I've rearranged a few things and added a bit to a very brief relationship. Please email, positive or negative, but be gentle. All characters, etc, belong to Alliance and TNT, for personal entertainment, not for profit. 

Willing  
by Que 

Since last night, he had become increasingly worried by Ray's behavior, not the least of which was Ray's uncharacteristic, but nearly total silence. Ray had been distant and distracted since yesterday afternoon after he had picked up the mail. Fraser had seem him open a thick envelope, read the contents, and then put the pages back into the envelope and place it in his jacket pocket. Questions had semed unwelcome at the time, but Fraser had hoped his partner would eventually discuss what was bothering him. He hadn't, even after dinner, which Ray had not eaten, and the silence had only deepened. He had responded to Fraser's efforts at conversation with one word answers whenever possible and had initiated no conversation of his own. It seemed to Fraser that Ray hadn't slept at all. Even the evening's rather strenuous activity, which interestingly Ray's mood had not dampened, hadn't calmed him enough to make him fall asleep. He had squirmed around his side of the small bed all night without saying anything. By morning, the silence was becoming unnerving for Fraser. 

Ray had taken a few bites of his breakfast and then, without making a sound, he had walked over to Dief and dropped the contents of his plate into the wolf's dish, then he had scratched Dief behind the ears absently before putting his plate in the sink and returning to the table. Fraser watched without comment and counted as Ray scooped eight spoons of sugar into this coffee and stirred. He had wondered how many sips it would take for Ray to notice what he had done and Fraser had almost expected to be showered with a mouthful of coffee and an angry outburst, but Ray drank the entire cup apparently without noticing its syrupy texture. As he finished the last sip, Fraser sat across from him rubbing an eyebrow with the back of his thumb and thinking he would begin screaming himself if this continued another second. He decided to take his chances and break the silence. 

"You can tell me what was in it, you know." 

"In what? What are you talking about?" He sat looking at his hands as he squeezed his coffee cup. He knew what "it" was, but he had not found a comfortable way to bring "it" up for discussion even though he had been thinking of little else since the previous afternoon. 

Fraser raised an eyebrow and watched as Ray pulled the spoon out of his coffee and began tapping slowly on the edge of the cup. He continued watching in silence as the slow taps increased in speed and volume and Ray's left hand tightened its hold on the cup's handle until his knuckles were beginning to turn white. Diefenbaker, who had previously been interested only in his breakfast, looked at the table and barked. Fraser reached across and put his hand over the one containing the offending spoon. 

Ray looked up. "What!?" 

Fraser maintained eye contact with his partner, but said nothing. 

Ray looked back down at the cup. "You want to know what was in the letter? Right?" 

"If you don't mind, Ray. I'll try to understand if you tell me you'd rather not discuss it, but it appears to have upset you." 

Ray looked away briefly, then back at this hands, one still tightly clutching the cup and the other covered by Fraser's and decided now was as good a time as any. "I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I didn't know what to say. I mean, this isn't exactly something that comes up in everyday conversation and I don't know exactly what to do about it yet." Ray had gone from silence to babblingand Fraser's apprehension about the contents of the envelope began to grow. 

"Just tell me, Ray." Fraser said quietly. He removed Ray's hand from the top of the cup and held it between both of his. Fraser's imagination was leading him into places he did not want to go and his fear was intensifying rapidly. Something must be very wrong and Ray was afraid to tell him. 

"It's from a lawyer in New York." Ray began again, attempting to remain focused on the point. "Apparently I have been named in Suzanne Chapin's will. He wants my response as soon as possible." 

"Her will?" Fraser tightened his hold on Ray's hand. He sighed, relieved that his worst imaginings had been incorrect, and suddenly realized he had been holding his breath. The relief was followed by a little stab of jealousy that Ray appeared extremely upset by the news of Suzanne Chapin's death. That was followed immediately by guilt. Of course he was upset, he had thought he was in love with her. Was he still? Fraser dismissed that thought. His own actions in the past had caused Ray far more reason for doubt than Ray's understandable sadness over the death of a woman he hadn't seen in almost two years and probably would never have met again. 

"Yeah. I don't know the whole story, the letter says 'shot making an arrest.' I guess the lawyer thought that was self-explanatory, " Ray said quietly. 

"I'm very sorry, Ray." The look on Fraser's face did not give away anything more than sympathy. Ray looked back down at the table and Fraser continued, "Why were you mentioned in her will? You really didn't know her very well, despite your feelings for each other." He wondered if that last comment might have pushed things too far, but it was true, they hadn't known each other at all. It seemed odd that Suzanne would have anything to leave Ray. 

"Um, yeah, Benny." Ray shifted in his chair. He looked up briefly, then back down at Fraser's hands around his. "She left me . . . " He hesitated looking for an indirect way to say it, then realized there wasn't one. "she wanted me to . . . have the opportunity to . . . she wanted me to take her child." He sighed, relieved for having finally said it. 

"Her child, Ray?" Ray noticed Fraser sounded startled, but he couldn't tell what else his partner might be thinking and he refused to look up again to try to catch more of Fraser's reaction. 

"Yeah, Benny. According to her will, the birth certificate and some other information Suzanne left, the child is mine. Her name is Emily Chapin. Can you believe that!?" Ray's voice had begun to rise. He was beginning to sound angry. 

"Ray?" Is there any particular reason why she never told you?" There was a little anger in Fraser's voice now. Ray looked up, worried. But he was relieved to see that Fraser understood he had not known about the child before yesterday. 

"I don't know, Benny. I'd like to have the answer to that myself. The letter claims Suzanne only has one living relative, an aunt in New York. That's where the child is now, but in the event of her death, Suzanne wanted her to live with her father . . . me, I guess." 

"I assume there is a chance you are her father?" 

"Yes." Ray continued staring at their hands on the table. "Her age is right. She was a year old last month. I did the math several times last night while I wasn't sleeping." He glanced up long enough to see Fraser smile at that. Maybe this wouldn't be as difficult as he had imagined. "I guess you're thinking I could be one of two possiblities, at least. I had the same thought." Ray sighed, looked back down at the table and continued. "Would you understand . . . I mean, if she is mine . . . would you understand if . . . I know everything is sort of new right now and this is not the best time for something like this, but I have to take her. I mean, I want to. You know?" He was babbling again and even he thought he sounded panicked. 

"Yes, Ray. I would have no right to stop you. Besides, I would expect you to take her." He moved his hand off the top of Ray's and lifted Ray's chin until they were looking at each other. "I'm not going anywhere, if that's what you think. Unless you want me to," he added, his voice giving away a little fear. 

"God, no Benny. I don't want you to leave, or ask me to leave, since technically I seem to have moved into your roach motel. I just was afraid it might be too much to ask to . . . well, you know." He caught himself before he began babbling again. 

"It's not too much to ask, Ray. You had no way of knowing this was coming. Although, I do think Ms. Chapin should have told you instead of letting you find out this way." The slightly angry tone was coming back. 

Ray looked at him for a few minutes before asking, "so, everything will be okay if I go to New York next week, and you'll still be all right with this when I get back." 

"Yes, Ray." Fraser smiled at him. 

Ray looked back down and then looked hopefully up at Benny. "Will you tell my mother while I'm gone?" Fraser laughed, "no, Ray." 

* * *

"Benny, are you asleep?" Ray had been restless for several minutes. 

"No, Ray. Is something wrong?" 

Ray was lying with his head on Fraser's chest and shifted to place his chin there, allowing him to look at Fraser. "No, not really, Benny. I was just thinking about, um, the situation. How would you feel about moving in with my family? Ma said that would be fine, but I don't know how you would feel about it." 

Ray had been surprised by his mother's reactions lately, not only after telling her about the child, but when he had revealed his new relationship with Benny three months earlier. She had accepted both, but she had not seemed surprised about the two of them being together. Learning about Suzanne's child, and Suzanne for that matter, had startled her but she hadn't seemed unhappy, or angry about it. She had even offered to let them, all three of them, move into the house. Given how little he knew about children, Ray was beginning to think this might not be such a bad idea. 

"Live with your family, Ray?" Your whole family, all of them? Fraser was reluctant to admit the idea overwhelmed him. So many Vecchios in one house, and then there was . . . 

"Franny? That's it, isn't it, Benny? You're afraid to live in the same house with Francesca." Ray put his head back down on Fraser's chest, but Fraser felt Ray's smile and he thought he felt Ray supress a laugh. 

"Well, Ray, you have to admit she hasn't exactly been pleased with either of us, um . . . lately, and I'm not sure she would welcome our presence in her house on a full time basis, under the circumstances." 

"And you're afraid to live in the same house with her. Admit it, Frasier." Ray was both surprised and relieved Benny had not put up an argument to continue living in his apartment. 

"It's not fear exactly, more like reluctance." Fraser remained quiet, equally reluctant to tell Ray it was his entire family that made him uncomfortable. He didn't think he could handle the noise, lack of privacy, and hordes of Vecchios everyday, no matter how much he liked them. 

"It's my house too, Benny. Hell, it's my house. We don't have to live there if you don't want to, but we can't stay here either and I thought having Ma to help might make things easier at first. Maria and Tony do it." 

"We aren't quite as . . . ah . . . traditional as Maria and Tony, Ray. But, if you think it would help, I would be willing to try if for a while." 

"Thanks, Benny. If you don't like it after a few weeks, we'll move to an apartment. I promise." 

Fraser sighed. "Thank you, Ray." He assumed that was the best he could do. Given Ray's new responsibility, he felt obligated to at least give it a try. Francesca hadn't really had much to say to either of them for the past few months, anyway. Dief would enjoy the food, he seemed spoiled beyone redemption at this point. 

"Ray?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I know your mother seems to have accepted things, and Francesca hasn't, but what about Maria?" 

"Which 'things,' Benny? Our relationship, or Suzanne's baby?" 

"Our relationship, Ray." 

"She's cool with it Benny. I asked her." 

"You asked her?" He sounded startled. 

"Yeah. She's my sister. It's not like I need her permission, or anything, but I wanted to know what she thought. Franny's still angry with me and I guess she will be for a while." 

"Why should Francesca be angry with you, Ray? I understand her surprise, but you haven't done anything to her." That hint of anger again, Ray began to wonder what that was about. 

"She doesn't see it that way, Benny. She thinks I too you away from her and she's less than pleased that her brother is living with the Mountie of her dreams." He smiled slightly and rested a hand on Benny's hip. 

Fraser frowned and sighed. "I never felt that way about your sister, Ray." 

"Yes, Benny, I know, but my sister can be very determined when she wants something and we all know she wanted you. We all know, Frasier. Everybody knows. There is no one in Chicago who does not know Franny wanted you." Ray was laughing as his partner squirmed a little. 

"I get the idea, Ray. There really is no need to exaggerate." 

"Who's exaggerating, Benny?" Ray was still smiling, but his laughter had stopped. "She wasn't exactly quiet about it and now I think she feels a little uncomfortable about no being quiet about it, along with being unhappy about having to give up her dream of eventually coercing you into taking an interest in her." 

"Oh. I hadn't thought of it that way, Ray." Fraser frowned again and appeared somewhat lost in thought for a moment, but Ray was having thoughts too. 

Ray shifted again, this time moving up to kiss Fraser. Benny's left hand slid down Ray's back and his right moved up the back of Ray's neck to his head. Ray pulled back after a few seconds and smiled slightly. "Are you sleepy, Benny? Ray's left hand continued its downward motion. "Not anymore, Ray." 

* * *

"Ray, calm down." Fraser had been helping Ray pack for his trip to New York in addition to packing for their, he hoped, temporary move into the Vecchio house. 

"I am calm, Fraser. Don't I look calm! Of course I'm calm! Why wouldn't I be? I'm going to a city I hate to take possession of a child I have never seen whose mother died before bothering to mention I am the child's father. And I don't know much about children, except what I've seen babysitting my nieces and nephews. I can't imagine why you think I wouldn't be calm!" Ray paced up and down the bedroom section of Fraser's apartment, stopping between trips across the room to place a few expensive clothing items into his suitcase. His voice climbed in volume with each item tossed into the bag. 

"Ray!" Fraser grabbed him by the shoulders, stopping the perpetual motion. "I know you're nervous, but you will be fine. You'll only be gone two days and I will pick you up at the airport on Friday afternoon." 

"Promise?" Something else seemed to be bothering Ray as he asked the question. 

"I promise, Ray. You aren't worried I'm going to change my mind, are you? Because I have no intention of going anywhere. I agreed to move into your family's house with Francesca there, didn't I? That alone should take care of any doubts. I love you, Ray." Fraser smiled and pulled Ray in for a hug. 

Ray stood with his head on Fraser's shoulder for a few seconds. "Yeah, Benny, I know. This is all weird for me and I guess . . . I don't know. I'm sorry. I love you too, Benny." 

"That's all right, Ray." Fraser pulled away enough to kiss Ray. "Are you almost ready?" 

* * *

Fraser was nervous waiting for the plane. He had spoked to Ray the night before and everything had seemed fine, or as fine as possible, considering. There had been no explanation from either the lawyer, or the aunt, as to why Suzanne had kept her child a secret from its father and Ray had obviously been annoyed at being unable to get an answer. But apparently she hadn't needed, or wanted, any financial assistance from the child's father. Fraser fidgeted with his had as he sat waiting for the passengers to enter the terminal. 

Ray got off the plane, carrying the crying Emily. She had not seemed happy with him since he took her from Suzanne's aunt on Thursday afternoon. He had been told she could talk unusually well for a child her age, but he hadn't heard anything. He hadn't been able to stop the recurrent crying and had sometimes wanted to join her. Now he had a headache and could not shake the fear that Benny might not be waiting for him inside the terminal. But he was. 

"Hello, Ray." Fraser seemed extremely nervous now. 

"Hi, Benny." 

"You look tired, Ray." Fraser was uncertain what to say. He stared at the crying child and any doubts he might have had about her paternity disappeared. Her bright green overalls were printed with yellow and blue frogs and spotted with what looked like the remains of lunch, or maybe breakfast. She was wearing a white t-shirt and the smallest pair of Nike cross trainers Fraser had ever seen. The child tightly clutched a furry white cat in one hand and held three fingers of the other in her mouth as she cried. She was really very pretty, he thought, despite her obvious distress. She had huge, and very wet, green eyes framed by unusually long dark eyelashes. She didn't have much hair, but what she had consisted of short, soft dark curls. He assumed her hair would grow longer and thicker as she got older. Her nose was, well, obviously Vecchio in origin, but it seemed to fit her. And she was loud, increasingly loud. 

"Yeah, I haven't slept more that three hours since I left, Benny. I have a headache and I can't seem to make her stop crying. Do you think you could help me here?" He sounded exhausted, more than anything else, Fraser thought. Ray dropped the bags and other baby items he had been holding. "You can take some of this stuff, or you can carry her, but please take something." Ray sighed and leaned against the wall. 

"Of course, Ray." Fraser snapped out of his frozen state and took one of the bags and offered to take the crying child. "You've been doing this for a long time, I'll take her for a while." He didn't quite know what to do with her, but she was no more reluctant to let him take her than she had been to stay with Ray. 

"Thanks, Benny. Let's go get my suitcase and go home. By the way, where is home tonight?" He sighed again and picked up the bag and the rest of the items. 

"Your mother called me yesterday at the Consulate and insisted I take our boxes to her house. I believe we are staying in your room." 

"Great, maybe she'll have something for us to eat." 

"I believe that was her intention, Ray." 

As they walked to the baggage retrieval area, Emily stopped crying, apparently becoming fascinated with Fraser's uniform. She pulled on the buttons and other attachments and babbled quietly for the first time. 

Ray stared at both of them. "How did you do that, Benny?" 

"What, Ray?" 

"Get her to stop crying and take an interest in something. I haven't had much luck." Ray sighed again and began to look a little annoyed at Benny's success with the child he had been trying to quiet since yesterday. 

Fraser smiled as he pulled Ray's suitcase out of the rest of the luggage and arranged it with the rest of his load. "Maybe you should wear more red, Ray." 

Ray rolled his eyes and groaned as they walked toward the exit. 

* * *

Ray allowed Fraser to drive, even after letting him have the Riv while he was out of town. Ray sat in the passenger seat and fell asleep immediately. Emily was buckled into the back in a car seat provided by Maria. Dief had sniffed her a few times, then happily put his head in her lap. Benny looked into the backseat and remembered how Dief had behaved when they had found an abandoned baby in the Riv. "She is not yours, Diefenbaker." The wolf made a whiffing sound and put his head back down. "No, she isn't. You'll just have to deal with that." 

As the Riv pulled in front of the Vecchio house, Mrs. Vecchio and most of the family, including Francesca, came out to meet the car. "Ray," Fraser shook his partner's shoulder. "Ray, wake up, we're here." 

Ray rubbed his hands across his face and head and opened the door as Fraser removed Emily from the car seat. He gave her to Ray, who was promptly mobbed by Vecchios. Fraser opened the trunk to remove the luggage, attempting to avoid the rush. 

"Raimond, give me my grandchild!" Ray promptly did as he was told and took some of the bags from Fraser. 

After several minutes of examination by each family member, the child, Ray, and Fraser were taken into the kitchen by Mrs. Vecchio. "Everyone has already eaten, Raimondo. I thought you would be tired, so you and Benton can eat in here. I'll take care of my grandchild until you are finished." She turned to get their plates, then looked more closely at Ray. "You look terrible, Raimondo. You will go to sleep early." Argument would have been pointless even if Ray had not been too tired to put up a fight. 

"I got the empty room near yours ready, Raimondo, but it was painted yesterday, so she cannot stay in there tonight. You can use Maria's old baby furniture. We've moved most of it in. The baby can stay in my room tonight, you need to sleep and she may not sleep well since she's in a strange place." She put a large plate of pasta in front of each of them and some bread on the table. "When you are finished eating, I will show you the room." 

Ray seemed confused by the flow of his mother's conversation, but nodded. "Okay, Ma." 

"Good. Now, caro, I will take care of feeding this child. She seems to be wearing most of what you fed her." Mrs. Vecchio smiled, kissed Ray on the cheek, and left them alone to eat." 

"She's right, Benny. I'm incompetent when it comes to this stuff." 

"You are not incompetent, Ray, just inexperienced." 

"Benny, do you have any idea what she is talking about with the room?" 

"Not really. Yesterday your mother made me pick out wallpaper and she said she and Maria and Francesca would handle the rest. Apparently they did." 

"Wallpaper? It doesn't have Mounties on it, does it Benny?" 

He laughed. "No, Ray." 

* * *

After dinner, the followed Ray's mother into the room she announced would now be Emily's. Ray was beginning to worry that this temporary arrangement wouldn't be very temporary. When he entered the room, he was certain. 

The room, which had been used for storage until a few days before, looked as if it were ready for a permanent resident. Two walls had been painted pale yellow. The other two were covered in the light blue and white cloud wallpaper Fraser had been forced into selecting. Fraser had not noticed the window seat yesterday, which was now covered with a yellow and blue striped cushion. The empty shelves on either side of the window, which had been plain wood and held boxes, had been painted yellow to match the walls. The furniture had been moved it, with the exception of the bed, which Ray assumed was in his mother's room. Everything with a cushion, including the chair, had either the same yellow and blue fabric which covered the window seat, or white fabric with yellow stars. 

Ray stood with his mouth open. "Ma, you did this?" 

"Yes, with help from Maria and Francesca. Did you think I would allow my grandchild to move into a storage room?" 

"No, Ma. It's amazing. Thank you." Ray became very quiet. Fraser saw simultaneous looks of exhaustion, gratitude, and terror on his partner's face. 

"You're welcome, Raimondo. Now, you and Benton go to bed and let me get to know my grandchild." At that, Ray and Fraser both looked embarrassed. 

* * *

"I haven't had an opportunity to take our clothes out of their boxes yet, Ray," Fraser told him as he closed the bedroom door and led Ray to the bed. 

"That's okay, Benny. We'll deal with it tomorrow." Ray looked at him nervously. "I intended this to be temporary, Benny. Can you deal with it for a while? I'm really sorry they're all making such a big deal." 

Fraser smiled, as he began undressing Ray. "It is a big deal, Ray, you can't blame them. Don't worry, it will be fine." 

"You sure?" 

"I'm sure, Ray." 

"Thank you, Benny. Hey, Fraser, cool wallpaper." 

"It was far better than the ducks and rabbits, Ray." Fraser pulled back the covers and Ray slid in. The he began to remove his own clothes. 

"Benny, I hope you understand, but I'm a little too tired to . . . uh . . . I know I've been gone and it isn't like I wouldn't like to, but . . . " 

"That's all right, Ray. I wasn't planning on trying anything." Fraser smiled and got into bed, pulling Ray into a hug as he turned to face him. 

Ray settled with his head on his partner's chest. Fraser's arms went around him, his hands began rubbing up and down Ray's back. 

"Benny," Ray began slowly after a few minuted. "I'm sorry about the way I acted when I got the letter. After I got to New York I was afraid maybe you thought I was upset because I still had feelings for Suzanne and that's not it. It was a shock to find out a have a child and to learn at the same time Suzanne is dead. I didn't know how to deal with it, but it doesn't mean I feel any less for you. I love you more than anything, Benny." 

"I love you too, Ray. I realized your reaction came from the shock. It was too much for anyone to absorb all at once without becoming upset. You have no reason to apologize. You've handled all this better than anyone could reasonably have been expected to handle it and you made the right decisions." 

Ray kissed Fraser's chest, then put his head back down. "Thank you, Benny." 

"Fraser?" 

"Yes, Ray?" 

"What's wrong with us?" 

"What do you mean?" Fraser sounded worried by the question. 

"I was attracted to Suzanne when I thought she was a criminal and the more I was convinced she was guilty, the more attracted I became. It's like I was more interested in her because I knew it wouldn't work. And I was willing to let her go. Even thinking she was a criminal, I was going to let her escape. You wouldn't have done that. You would have arrested her. I didn't know at the time why you were so understanding about all of that. You didn't tell me I was insane like everyone else did. I understood later." 

"I know, Ray. I don't think there's anything wrong with us, now. When I first met Victoria, I was desperate. I was alone and I thought I always would be. She became an obsession and I felt guilty for arresting her. Not as guilty as I've felt since for trying to get on that train, but . . . " 

"No, Benny, I didn't mean to make you feel that way." Ray spoke very quietly. 

"You didn't, Ray, but it's true. I deserved to feel guilty. What I was doing was stupid and destructive for both of us and I'm glad it ended the way it did." 

"I might have killed you, Benny, and I'm not glad about the way it ended." Fraser felt tears on his chest and tightened his hold on Ray. He leaned forward and kissed the top of Ray's head before continuing. 

"Even if I had died, I would have been better off than with Victoria, I realize that now." Ray started to protest, but was interrupted. "I'm where I want to be, Ray, permanently. The second time with Victoria, I think I was trying to recreate something I had only imagined. Were you doing something similar, with Suzanne?" 

"Yeah. Maybe so. I'm sorry, Benny." 

"So am I, Ray, but it's over now and we are where we should be." 

"Yeah, Benny." Ray moved up and kissed his partner. Then dropped his head sleepily onto Fraser's shoulder. 

"Go to sleep, Ray." Fraser resumed his slow strokes up and down Ray's back until he heard the slow, even breathing indicating Ray had fallen asleep. 


End file.
